Depressing truth

It's not only the bunny we're quarrelling. It's about the fact that I'm so restricted that home doesn't feel like home. There is no mothers in the world whom doesn't love their daughters. Well, I think I got one. Unfortunately. Having a hard time battling bulimia. And having a hard time gaining confidence.

You know, in many people's eyes, I'm cheerful and happy. Always joking and happy. But deep down inside, I'm all cut up. I can't stop having suicidal thoughts, still. And I can't forget what my mother always say about my size. My mother, herself, call me FAT. Just like any others. Just that it's more hurtful than I ever thought.

All I wanted was to do what I want and be happy. But whatever I want is restricted. I love pets, mother hates the smell and all. I kept finding for the perfect one that I like and she won't have problems with the smell. But seems to me, she just minds everything. My size, my looks, my clothes, my interest, my hobby.

I lost a lot of friends. My mother doesn't like any of them. I quit smoking, mom hates the smell. I Stay home a lot. I hate seeing her alone at home. I never had the say in the family. Never have chance to do hat I want. And this is home.

UNTIL what she told me. "This is MY home. You want bunny you get out! " And all I said to her was "mommy i'm getting my bunny!''

She literally forgot that she agreed with it.

And THAT IS HER HOME. not mine I guess.

Crying in front of her has no effect at all on her. Having difficulties breathing, it's not her problem, she still did what she was doing.

My mother doesn't love me as I once was bad.
She might never accept the fact that, I'm good now.
No matter what I do, I still feel that I don't belong there anymore.